Farewell, Chaotic Soul

As you can all see, I am overhaulin’ the site. New look, new outlook, new set up, etc. Just fresher, more appealing to my eye and hopefully yours. It’s been quite some time since I’ve written. Not that I don’t think about it at least 500 times a day. It just seemed like when I went into my blog it was full of painful reminders. Things I still haven’t been able to bring myself to post and others that still move me to heart wrenching palpitations. I tend to be an all or nothing person. I hate that. Moderation has always been something I’ve struggled with. Sigh. We all have our weak points. No one is perfect, right? So, I bit my lip, chewed my nails, and fretted–do I continue with the dark, somber, murky depths of my soul that are also depicted through the old theme of the blog (black background and swirling mists of subdued colors for a heading) or do I choose something new. Back and forth I have gone trying out and previewing new layouts all summer long. Not finding anything that fit what I was feeling. I opened up a couple other sites that are still under construction. I’m always pulled in the direction of things I HAVE to do instead of things I want to do. With the colder weather approaching, though, my own personal sense of turning into a pumpkin and wanting to hunker down for the winter are also allowing me to finally enjoy some time here and there to play on my blog, to write once again, to approach this from a new and renewed perspective.

I’m fine tuning things still–the header bar with menu pages to choose from, new pics to add to Flickr to show you the tremendous progress I’ve made–both mind and spirit, new links to peruse, and some other fun stuff along the way. As always, I have LOTS to talk about, so I hope you pop back in from time to time to check on the progress. I’m hoping to accomplish a lot of updates this weekend, but I have learned from the past that when I self-impose deadlines on myself (and they are not being required by some govt. agency, or work related affiliation), I tend not to reach my finish line. This isn’t always the case, just quite a bit. I heard from many that trying to read a white font on a black background and in a tiny letter size gave people headaches or because I tend to have lengthy posts, it was too straining on their eyes after a while and they would stop reading. I’m not usually known for brevity, so if you’re looking for short and sweet, keep looking. I love to write, and to express my thoughts. Hopefully the new color scheme will be more palatable for you. I know I like it. For the sake of rememberance, though…I thought I’d just post a pic of that header I so loved when I first started blogging. I remember when I first saw it–I fell in love with it. It appealed to me on so many levels. When I launched the blog and then went back to tweak something along the way and found out the actual name of the theme was Chaotic Soul–I was taken aback–it was the very embodiment of me during 2009.

When I look at the image now, I am reminded of a time when things seemed bleak to me. I had a girlfriend stop by the house once and comment on the image here. She said, before she even knew it was my blog, “What a pretty image. It is very reminiscent of the illusion of a breast” and then she showed me where she saw that in the lines. Like trying to make out an image in the clouds I stared and wondered too if subconsciously this was another reason I was drawn to it. Who knows. What I know now is this…That blog theme served its purpose. It was a comfortable friend to me and I took refuge in its solace. It has taken me a great deal of time to turn my head around. To feel ready to take on the world again. It started for me this year, a new journey of sorts. If you want to come along for the ride, I’ll take you through the transformation. I will also try to go back at times and pull up some of those posts that have sat in que, waiting patiently for their story to be told. I will dust them off and give birth to stories that have been stifled. Some may think, why go back. Move forward. I get that. I need to, though. To remember. To never forget. To show myself the progress in a very visual way. To possibly help someone else. To never forget. Most importantly, so that someday, my children will know the contents of their mother’s soul…

Many of you have contacted me, through facebook, twitter, or email–wondering what happened to me. How am I doing. Why have I stopped writing. When was I going to start again. I’m here to tell you I’m back. Thanks for being patient with me…:)

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tracy
    Nov 05, 2010 @ 10:47:12

    You’re back! I love the new look – so bright and optimistic.

    Reply

    • Christina Heald
      Nov 05, 2010 @ 11:18:25

      YAY!! I needed this. Breath of fresh air. Now to go about updating everything else! So glad you’re in my life!

      Reply

  2. Teresa
    Nov 05, 2010 @ 10:56:41

    Welcome back.

    Reply

    • Christina Heald
      Nov 05, 2010 @ 11:17:27

      Teresa! I have thought of you a lot. I will be painfully honest and say that I have been selfish this year. I was too busy LIVING to sit and read up on anyone else’s blog. Including Tracy’s–Lol! But I am ready to try and find the happy medium that I know is inside somewhere. Thanks for popping in. I can’t wait to visit yours this weekend. Have I lost my spot in your blogroll? Would brownies help you take me back? 🙂 I really have thought of you often–I am looking forward to catching up again. Last I knew you were opening your center. I remember you writing once you had not had some breakthrough epiphany during your ordeal. I felt like I did. You went on to open up a center to educate women on breast cancer. I have yet to really find such a large venue–however, I have done many things to support breast cancer awareness. I’ll be writing about them soon. Just wanted to let you know I was extremely proud of you!

      Reply

  3. seo service
    Nov 05, 2010 @ 12:51:25

    helo Specifically Speaking , i comment your blog , this a nice blog and perfect. Best for me. a lot of and Quad Cities content. i going to often to read and comment your website.

    Reply

  4. Karen
    Nov 06, 2010 @ 07:48:41

    I am so happy to read your writings again my wonderful amazing inspirational gorgeous friend. Keep ’em coming … I know you’re helping more people than you can ever imagine. I love you.

    Reply

    • Christina Heald
      Nov 06, 2010 @ 11:50:34

      Karen–it was your facebook post that really pushed me to get back on. It has been your spirit that has really pushed me to get back in the game of life. I’ll be forever grateful. Thank you dearheart, for being there. I love you too!

      Reply

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Started Tracking on 12-1-09

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